Spoiled Brats: Short Stories by Simon Rich

Author:Simon Rich [Rich, Simon]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Humor, Retail, Short Stories
ISBN: 9780316368629
Barnesnoble:
Publisher: Little, Brown
Published: 2014-10-14T04:00:00+00:00

I do not spend much time with my six roommates, because they keep strange hours. When I leave with cart at 4:00 a.m., they have all just gone to sleep. And when I return from work, at 10:00 p.m., they are out for nightly celebration.

I do not know what it is they celebrate. In all my time in Vortex Factory, I have yet to see them sell a single vortex, or anything else for that matter. I assume that just before I joined their house, they have had some major group success. It is only explanation for their joy.

I am not opposed to celebrations. In fact, I have been planning one for weeks. After selling my first batch of pickles, I went to Key Food and bought tin of herring. It cost me seven dollars—more than double peanut butter—but I purchased anyway. I said to myself, When I have ten thousands saved up, I will reward my body with this tasty fish.

By end of my first month in the Vortex, I am selling fifty jars a day. I learn to stagger batches in my closet, so there are always pickles that are ready. I am making six hundred dollars each shift, over three thousand dollars each week. One morning I count savings and I cannot believe it: I have nine thousand seven hundred twenty-seven dollars. That night, before sleep, I put special tin of herring in my coat. By lunch break, I hope, I will have the occasion to eat it.

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